He Prayed for a Savior
by bellakitse
Summary: His savior was holding him and Noah Puckerman became religious


Title: He Prayed for Savior

Category: Glee

Genre: Angst/Hurt/Comfort/Friendship/hint of Romance

Pair: Rachel/Puck

Rating: K-K

Prompt: # 79 Prayer

Word Count:1449

Summary: His savior was holding him and Noah Puckerman became religious

A/N: So this is a short little one-shot. Many thanks to Emma, my wonderful beta.

~*~

**He Prayed for a Savior**

Noah Puckerman wasn't religious. He cursed, took God's name in vain, and had pre-marital sex, lots of it. He wasn't a good Jew. But when Quinn Fabray, mother of his child, girlfriend of his ex-best friend and general pain in his ass went into labor, he found himself looking to the heavens for a moment. When the doctor came out to tell the two dads, him and Finn, that things had gotten complicated, he found himself saying a quick prayer. And when the doctor told them that his child, his baby girl was stillborn, he found himself in the hospital chapel begging God and any other higher power who could hear him to take it back. Take back the day, let his daughter be alive, to take him. He promised he would be better, worship everyday if he could just have his little girl back. He pleaded. He bartered. However, all he got was silence. Deafening and suffocating silence.

Rachel Berry stood silently at the end of the chapel; her gaze fixed on the boy a few rows ahead, watched as he fell apart, lost in his personal hell. The rest of the group had stayed in the waiting area wanting to comfort Finn; he was their leader after all. The Cheerio girls demanded to see their own leader who lay in a hospital bed. Focused on those two who were only two-thirds of this angst triangle, they missed the anguish that crossed the third member. They missed his broken exit while she followed him with her eyes, ultimately compelled to follow him with everything else. She sat quietly next to him, words dying to make their way out; but, for once, she tempered her tongue. 'I'm sorry' and 'It will be okay' seemed too trite anyway. She expected him to push her away, maybe lash out. She was ready; after all, like he had once told her, they weren't friends. Instead, what she got was arms full of a broken boy.

He felt her beside him but didn't see her, his eyes clouded over. He saw nothing. But he felt despair, uselessness and her small warm hand that rested on his shoulder. He didn't push it away, didn't push her away like he was sure she expected. Instead, the levees broke and he cried. Cried as hard as he had the last time he allowed himself to shed a tear − when his father left them. Latching onto her the same way he had onto his mother that Sunday morning when he discovered his dad wouldn't be eating the usual Sunday banana pancakes with his family. Tears uncheck ran down his cheeks and unto her shirt as he pressed his face to her chest, her arms cradling him the way he longed to cradle his baby girl. Whispering to himself, he prayed once more, "Please, God, take back this day." Still, only silence.

Later when Mr. Schuester took Finn while Brittany and Santana stayed with Quinn, Rachel took Puck by the hand, leading him out of the maternity ward, cringing when his eyes followed a nurse holding a baby in a pink blanket. They took the elevator where the music playing sounded like a rock concert compared to their silence as they proceeded to her car. She buckled him in when he made no move to do it himself. He looked at her with hollow eyes and she wondered if he even saw her, if he could make out who was with him at the moment. She drove him home. She helped him into his house, the silence of it as thick as his demeanor in the hospital and in the car ride over. She stood by the threshold of his front door as he made a beeline to the liquor cabinet. Still she said nothing and sat beside him on the worm-brown couch as he drank himself into a stupor and when he passed her the bottle, she took a swig herself.

He rested his head on her shoulder, the alcohol reaching the parts of his brain that the pain hadn't gotten to yet, which was why he didn't ask why she was there with him and not somewhere else. So instead, he closed his eyes and prayed once more, this time he prayed for his brain to quiet the guilt that had started to seep through and maybe for the world to stop, too.

~*~*~*~*~*~

The world kept spinning, the sun came out in the mornings shining brightly; it hadn't been informed that staying hidden would be the respectful thing to do. Days past, the quietest days of her life as she found herself spending more and more time in the Puckerman household, sitting in stillness with Puck; his mother didn't comment on the fact that her son seem to have developed a new shadow.

Today, she watched as he tried to work the knot of his tie. Seeing him struggle with it, she walked over. Standing in front of him, she slowly moved his hands out of her way and fixed the knot herself. He thanked her with a nod as she took a step toward the door, holding his hand when they walked out of his room. It was time to go. The day he prayed won't come was here. His daughter's burial would start in an hour.

She held his hand in the car ride over and as they walked down a pathway, she didn't let go and he was grateful because he was sure that her tiny hand was the only thing holding him upright. Standing together he stared at the small casket that would soon be put into a hole in the ground. His baby girl. Quinn had named her Isabella. "It's a good name, Noah. She would have been beautiful," Rachel had answered softly one night when he told her as they laid on his bed facing each other. _Isabella would have been so beautiful._

The glee club along with his mother, Finn's mother, Mr. Shue and Ms. Pillsbury gathered as the priest spoke. He didn't acknowledge anyone, not that they were going out of their way to acknowledge him. What could they say anyway? To everyone but his mom and Rachel, he was the outsider. It would have always been Finn and Quinn's baby, not his. When they started lowering the small wooden box, he bit the inside of his mouth until he tasted blood. He did this to keep himself from shouting out to stop what was happening. She must have known, she just held on tighter. And if anyone wondered why she was next to him, holding him together, they showed rare restraint and politely held their tongues.

Long after the service ended and everyone walked away, Finn and Quinn together, his mother leaving to pick up his little sister from a friend's, only he and Rachel remained. The hole in the ground was now covered with fresh soil. His daughter was gone forever. Letting go of her hand for the first time, he scrunched down in front of the grave, his hand running over the dirt.

"It's my fault she's gone," He whispered, not bothering to turn to her, he knew she was listening. "I loved her but I couldn't help but think sometimes that it would be better if she didn't exist and now she doesn't."

"No," She whispered as she kneeled next to him, "You were scared of being a dad, but you loved her, Noah, you _loved_ her and you would have stepped up."

"I thought it would be worth it if she was here, I lost Finn's friendship and I never even had Quinn except for her contempt but it would have been worth it if I had my baby and now I have nothing, no one." He answered looking over at her. "I'm alone, Rachel."

He had prayed. Prayed for his daughter. Prayed for forgiveness. Prayed for the pain go away. Prayed to forget. And God had remained quiet.

Now, he prayed for a savior, for salvation.

Rachel felt the tears she had been holding in for days finally spill as she shook her head, her heart ached for him. "No, Noah, you have me." She said, taking his face in her hands, brushing a kiss on his brow. "It might not be enough, but you have me." She murmured nonsense into his ear, her warm breath washing over him. Puck closed his eyes, felt her small kiss deep inside, letting out a shaky breath as she held him.

This time God finally answered his prayer.

His savior was holding him and Noah Puckerman became religious.


End file.
